Friday, August 21, 2009

This is Goodbye.

This summer has shown me more than I would have liked to see.

Love. Heartbreak. Laughter. Fear. Trauma. Stupidity.
And of course many more. All woven within a couple short months.

To some, simplicity could seem like a bore. To myself, simplicity is a privilege not all of us obtain. It is, a state of mind. A sun rise. Knowing how to speak. How to walk. How to survive. Underestimated.

If everything were simple, excitement and passion would not play the role which is current. But nothing simple at all..what is anything but a rush?

I plan to move along in search of that simplicity I need. That state of mind which keeps me satisfied. I plan to focus on myself more, rather than constantly worry for each individual surrounding me. Even those I am not particularly fond of. I will take this time through struggle to understand where I plan to go, and how I plan to get there.
Find my destined path.

I will take this time to ponder what I feel I should obtain for my happiness.
When I find it, I will pray it stays with me. whatever, or whoever that could be.
I need to self reflect a few things.
Where I stand with certain people, as well as where I stand with myself.

I will get out more.
Break a sweat.
Occupy myself.

Perhaps keep a daily log. Fills with personal quotes, goals, new bits of information, et cetera.

I want a higher appreciation for hard work.
I want to notice small things which could seem meaningless on average.

I almost wish I were the new kid in town.
Everyone and everything there is a whole new experience.
I suppose starting college will give me a sense of that reality again.
A fresh start.

Leaving just about everyone else behind in the dust.
On their own journey. As I roam mine.

So wish me luck in my time of self discovery. My adventure to find happiness within myself, as well as others. Find what I truly feel happy with in life.

I hope to make that special connection with someone again. Feel the magic. I hope to find a new group of friends whom except me for me.
To find simplicity.

Until then, this will be my last post.
My goodbye.
Until my solution has been found, if not for good.

Maybe my next blog will be in a more personal format.
Maybe there won't be a next one at all.

I know what makes me happy. Right now.
Let's see if I regret losing it over time.

What's meant to be will fall into place.

If I fall back to my old patterns, and my old is only kismet. If I know for sure what keeps me motivated, there is no way I would let it go with the hopes of finding an alternate way.

Love, happiness, joy, compassion..these are not simple objectives. but they should be.

I wonder if anyone out there feels the way I do, and hopes for the same result in the end..
Wouldn't that be astonishing.

Until I know what defines "me".. this is goodbye.

Whatever happens..happens.

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