Friday, August 21, 2009

This is Goodbye.

This summer has shown me more than I would have liked to see.

Love. Heartbreak. Laughter. Fear. Trauma. Stupidity.
And of course many more. All woven within a couple short months.

To some, simplicity could seem like a bore. To myself, simplicity is a privilege not all of us obtain. It is, a state of mind. A sun rise. Knowing how to speak. How to walk. How to survive. Underestimated.

If everything were simple, excitement and passion would not play the role which is current. But nothing simple at all..what is anything but a rush?

I plan to move along in search of that simplicity I need. That state of mind which keeps me satisfied. I plan to focus on myself more, rather than constantly worry for each individual surrounding me. Even those I am not particularly fond of. I will take this time through struggle to understand where I plan to go, and how I plan to get there.
Find my destined path.

I will take this time to ponder what I feel I should obtain for my happiness.
When I find it, I will pray it stays with me. whatever, or whoever that could be.
I need to self reflect a few things.
Where I stand with certain people, as well as where I stand with myself.

I will get out more.
Break a sweat.
Occupy myself.

Perhaps keep a daily log. Fills with personal quotes, goals, new bits of information, et cetera.

I want a higher appreciation for hard work.
I want to notice small things which could seem meaningless on average.

I almost wish I were the new kid in town.
Everyone and everything there is a whole new experience.
I suppose starting college will give me a sense of that reality again.
A fresh start.

Leaving just about everyone else behind in the dust.
On their own journey. As I roam mine.

So wish me luck in my time of self discovery. My adventure to find happiness within myself, as well as others. Find what I truly feel happy with in life.

I hope to make that special connection with someone again. Feel the magic. I hope to find a new group of friends whom except me for me.
To find simplicity.

Until then, this will be my last post.
My goodbye.
Until my solution has been found, if not for good.

Maybe my next blog will be in a more personal format.
Maybe there won't be a next one at all.

I know what makes me happy. Right now.
Let's see if I regret losing it over time.

What's meant to be will fall into place.

If I fall back to my old patterns, and my old is only kismet. If I know for sure what keeps me motivated, there is no way I would let it go with the hopes of finding an alternate way.

Love, happiness, joy, compassion..these are not simple objectives. but they should be.

I wonder if anyone out there feels the way I do, and hopes for the same result in the end..
Wouldn't that be astonishing.

Until I know what defines "me".. this is goodbye.

Whatever happens..happens.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Love, and it's definition through my eyes.

Someone can spend a life time pondering the hours away at the simple question, "what IS love?"
The answer can not be told through a small diary of a blog web site.
For those whom have experienced the true feeling, you might be wondering how something can give someone the greatest pleasure known to man kind, and the next minute you are blinded by the pure emotion of a break down. Something so powerful it has the chance to satisfy, and destroy, all at the same time.
Love can show someone their soul purpose in life. This is what it showed me. My purpose. Since a little girl I have told myself I will walk the edges of the earth looking for my true love. I knew once I found it, there would be no letting go.
The only thing is..I never expected to find such a love so soon in life. I mean sure I have felt it with more than one person, but isn't that how you know the next one is real? Through comparison of the earlier emotions, and the current? That might be part of how I knew I found it. But the rest? First sight.

Go on, call me ignorant and tell me there could be no such thing. But you're wrong. The moment our eyes met that day, I simply just knew. I couldn't possibly find an easier way to describe the feeling.
It's as if I believed in past lives, you were in mine. You were mine. It's as if I already knew you, and if I didn't talk to you that day, I would have missed out on my soul purpose in life.

To live and love.

Now I dare you to show me one love that has never encountered a problem. Without anything to overcome together, what will you ever have to look forwards to?
Fighting and disagreeing every so often is only healthy. Scientific fact.

Throughout my experience, I have had my share of arguments. I have taken breaks before, be it my choice at the time or not. But during the separations it has only brought my mind to realization. What is it? I realized that I don't need to be on my own in order to find myself. I don't need to, since I have already found myself in you.

After each hard time I have encountered, I have never felt happier than running back into the arms of the one I know I love, and I know loves me back. The overwhelming feeling of joy that brings me, only helps me know for sure that it is the true work of God. Being with you, I know that God is not only listening to all of my prayers, but he is responding as well.
Love is the last thing I could ever take lightly.

At this point, I would regret holding anything back, therefor I should spill each feeling inside me, shan't I?

After losing love once before, the second I was sure of this with you, I promised myself I could never give it up. I am certain I could never find another love like the one I am breathing this moment.

No matter what happens in the end, or right now, or tomorrow, or whenever, I will never give up or move on. I have found what I have vowed to search for, and I have found my purpose. That's you. I will be here each second of each minute. Each hour of each day, dreaming. Waiting. For you.
I can't say goodbye to this feeling. I can't lose myself.
I'm not ready to lose you, or my purpose. Nor will I ever be.

No matter where life will take you, know that I am by your side, and you are in my heart. If we make it or not, I will only be waiting for that day when we reunite.
Then again, how could there be a day in the future to reunite when we will not part? I will be here with you. As you, me.
I'm not giving up. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.
I know where I belong. I know my place, and my reason being here. I found it, and I'm keeping it.

Sometimes I wish all English would flee my tongue, making me unable to attempt to tell you how much this all means to me. I just want to express myself. It's what I do. I don't want to be asked about it, or commented on. I just want to get it out. I don't even need anyone to understand me.
I only need you to understand me. I love you.

This is true love and I could put anything on that promise.True love can conquer absolutely anything. Don't lose faith. Don't give up. I never will.